This is the first in a series of Veganomicon giveaways. We’re going to start off easy with a vegan limerick contest. I’ll choose my favorite limerick from among the applicants and send the winner a signed copy of the book tomorrow. You’ve got until 3pm EST Thursday October 11th to harness all the power of your third grade writing skills and post the best vegan themed limerick you can. The clock starts….now!

FedEx may hate veganism but UPS loves it! This post will be written entirely in explanation points! Well, words and sentences! That all end in explanation points! Ok, no forget it, that’s even annoying me. I wish I knew how to make an interrobang.

Unsupportive, disinterested kitties 

I waited home all day yesterday but no ‘nomicon came my way. Terry received hers and talked me through it for about half an hour, describing everything in minute detail. “It feels silky. It smells like paper.” But today, I sat on my stoop and taped a note to the door (as if the UPS guy wouldn’t see me sitting there) and called UPS 74 times. By sheer grit and determination I am now holding her in my loving arms. Or my loving lap, because I’m typing.

It’s so…big! And I’m scared of getting it dirty. It actually has kind of a high school yearbook feel to it, which is nice since I only have a GED. Well, here’s some pictures, see for yourself.

Our baby…it has Terry’s eyes 

I’ve been sick. And I also broke my toe. But this soup changes everything, at least for the moment. It’s in Veganomicon so you’ll have to get the recipe that way you cheapskates.

2 years in the making, Veganomicon has finally gone to print! It’s all incredibly surreal, and probably will stay that way until I have the actual book in my hands. It almost did swallow our souls, so it is aptly named.

Some fun facts:
1) It is hardcover and although you can’t tell from the photo, the cover has a shiny/matte texture that will look very fancy shmancy.

2) There are 32 color photos inside, some of which you can see here.

3) There are around 250 recipes, plus lots of variations on recipes. There is also a whole section on basics; roasting, grilling, sauteeing, steaming. These aren’t exactly recipes, more like guidelines.

4) The Chickpea Cutlets will rock your socks.

5) It’s currently available for pre-order on Amazon and Powells and it will be shipped in November.

6) There are user-friendly icons, so that with the flick of an eyeball muscle you’ll be able to determine if a recipe is 45 minutes or under, gluten-free, soy-free, supermarket friendly and/or low-fat.

We hope it lives up to its name as the “ultimate” vegan cookbook! We really tried to give you some new and exciting things to cook, without using too many esoteric ingredients. And along with our dedicated team of testers we tested our collective butts off. We hope that you all have as much fun reading it and cooking from it as we did writing it, only minus all the pain, suffering and third degree burns that we endured.

There have been studies that show butterflies more attracted to paper butterflies that are bigger and more colorful than real butterflies, and I figured that’s what was happening with my FedEx guy. He would approach the door of my building, get enraptured with a shinier buzzer than my own, ring that one, walk away in an endorphin riddled daze, forgetting to even leave a tag on my door.

But on Saturday, the day that a proofread manuscript of Veganomicon was scheduled to arrive, I knew something far more sinister was afoot. I sat here all day, tracking the package with space age technology. Running downstairs every 2 minutes just to make sure. Only to be disappointed by a 3pm update informing me that I wasn’t even home. My first thought was that I was actually long dead, a ghost caught in limbo, foolishly awaiting the arrival of a package that would never come.

But then it occurred to me - FedEx hates veganism.

A quick google search confirmed my hunch. A boolean* string of “fedex veganism” turned up a mere 446,000 hits. Meanwhile, “fedex meat”… an earth shattering 1,090,000.

I immediately bitch voiced the FedEx lady and was forced to take my earthly trappings all the way to the macabre industrial park where FedEx houses their demonic minions, each keeping close eye over our packages, caressing them with their talons, grotesque mouths agape and spilling acidic drool over their surfaces. Few are allowed in and even fewer are allowed out. But it was a chance I was willing to take.

Long story short, I brought a photo ID, signed on the dotted line, picked up the package, littered in their parking lot out of spite and now I have the manuscript and can send back my edits! Note: the unicorns will not be included on the final cover.

*I don’t actually know what “boolean” means.

Manuscript plus toe

Fizzle guards the Veganomicon, nay! Veganism!

It’s like I’m studying for the bar