10 Things That Are Punker Than Anthony Bourdain
I want to make something clear. Even though vegans may not hate everyone, they do hate Anthony Bourdain.
Is there a more loathsome person? Here is a man who sends his busboy to buy his drugs. A man who - with a straight face - accused the Rock-N-Roll Hall Of Fame of being sellouts. I can’t wait to hear his critique of Hard Rock Cafe jackets or Avril Lavigne.
So here is my list of 10 things that are more punk than Anthony Bourdain “bad boy” chef (snicker, snort). Feel free to add your own!
10) Rachael Ray
9) A 94 Chevy Celebrity
8 ) Dungeons And Dragons
7) A brand new shopping mall
6) That aggravating feeling you get when you can’t remember the name of Alf’s earth family*
5) Croquet
4) Good Charlotte
3) The National Weather Service
2) Belly button lint
And the number one thing that is punker than Anthony Bourdain…
*The Tanners!
January 10th, 2008 at 9:53 pm
the PMRC?
January 10th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
Hell yes! Pass me the Haterade, please.
January 10th, 2008 at 11:22 pm
a fluffy orange kitty?
orville redenbacher?
urkle from that show?
January 10th, 2008 at 11:24 pm
giant bunny slippers.
January 10th, 2008 at 11:52 pm
Taking a bubble bath, drying off, and then moisturizing your feet.
January 11th, 2008 at 12:00 am
So wait, there were Tanners on Alf and Tanners on Full House? That lack of creativity is still more punk that Anthony Bourdain.
January 11th, 2008 at 12:52 am
me not knowing who the f#@&! he is?
January 11th, 2008 at 1:18 am
I had to google the guy.
So now I hate him, too.
January 11th, 2008 at 1:53 am
French manicures.
January 11th, 2008 at 1:54 am
“So wait, there were Tanners on Alf and Tanners on Full House?”
Well I’ll be!
January 11th, 2008 at 2:04 am
-Clara Peller
-Pillow fights
-Laser light shows at planetariums featuring the entirety of Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon
-Internet memes
January 11th, 2008 at 2:17 am
-Sex in the missionary position with your spouse on your 10th anniversary
-Saving up all your paper route money for a year so you can buy your mom an “I Luv Mom” charm for her charm bracelet for Mother’s day.
-Renee Zellweger
-Volume III of Saint Thomas Aquinas’ “Summa Contra Gentiles”
-The Right Ventricle
-Love
January 11th, 2008 at 2:25 am
i hadn’t read this until i wikipedia’d his ass:
Vegetarians, and their Hezbollah-like splinter faction, the vegans, are a persistent irritant to any chef worth a damn. To me, life without veal stock, pork fat, sausage, organ meat, demi-glace, or even stinky cheese is a life not worth living. Vegetarians are the enemy of everything good and decent in the human spirit, and an affront to all I stand for, the pure enjoyment of food. The body, these waterheads imagine, is a temple that should not be polluted by animal protein. It’s healthier, they insist, though every vegetarian waiter I’ve worked with is brought down by any rumor of a cold. Oh, I’ll accommodate them, I’ll rummage around for something to feed them, for a ‘vegetarian plate’, if called on to do so. Fourteen dollars for a few slices of grilled eggplant and zucchini suits my food cost fine.” From Kitchen Confidential, p. 70.
what a total crotchrot.
January 11th, 2008 at 2:27 am
Apple Pie
January 11th, 2008 at 4:27 am
wait a minute, is this the guy that was eating a cobra heart on the food network the other night?
January 11th, 2008 at 4:30 am
scratch that. he’s the one who ate the wild boar rectum.
maybe he ate the cobra heart too but he definitely ate the ass.
i’m infuriated by this man. especialyl after reading what ktchcnt quoted
January 11th, 2008 at 5:12 am
Yanni
January 11th, 2008 at 5:28 am
have you see this yet?
http://www.101cookbooks.com/archives/vegan-caesar-salad-recipe.html
veganism is taking over!
January 11th, 2008 at 5:28 am
seeN. stupud tipos.
January 11th, 2008 at 7:24 am
But….I really fucking hate Rachel Ray.
Like, I fucking LOATHE that woman.
Can we agree they suck an equal amount?
January 11th, 2008 at 7:45 am
I…like…him. But he is a total forking b*stard.
January 11th, 2008 at 9:39 am
Pretending to play any kind of instrument, but especially “air” ukelele.
January 11th, 2008 at 10:20 am
Yeah, he’s a jerk!
January 11th, 2008 at 10:27 am
World of Warcraft
Taking private harp lessons that your rich dad paid for
Boarding school
Driving a Hummer
Tipper Gore
January 11th, 2008 at 11:19 am
I think he is very funny. You guys are taking him way to seriously.
January 11th, 2008 at 11:33 am
Never heard of him. I count myself lucky.
January 11th, 2008 at 11:36 am
That… was too cute beyond words.
Hey, wasn’t The Tanners the Full House family? Now I really am confused.
January 11th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
My MOTHER is punker than Bourdain. And she still clucks her tongue in disapproval when people kiss on TV.
January 11th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Tom Arnold is waaay punker than A.B.
January 11th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Punky Brewster (the kid has “Punk” in her name, major Punk Points)
and Papa Smurf.
January 11th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Footie pajamas, hot cocoa and the Hallmark channel
January 11th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
I think he’s a good writer. I don’t have to like him personally, or the way he cooks or eats, to appreciate the way he turns a phrase.
January 11th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
aren’t otters holding hands kind of the punkest thing ever though?
oh wait, punk means super-cute right?
January 11th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
mike huckabee, cotton candy, tampons
January 11th, 2008 at 6:04 pm
My little brain got distracted: a restaurant? Dude!!! Keep us informed. I’ll be more than happy to travel to NYC just for that!
January 11th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Hillary AND haley duff… yes even they have to be more punk than him.
January 11th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
1. The 40-ish looking guy at my gym I overheard talking about his MySpace page and the different pictures of himself in a tight shirt/tank top (so as to show off his muscles) he’s posted on it.
2. The Pepto-pink sweatshirt with a sparkly cat face on it that I wore when I was in grade school.
3. Richard Marx.
January 11th, 2008 at 11:28 pm
i think many chefs fear veganism because they fear for the downfall of traditional french cuisine (aka, the patriarchy)
January 12th, 2008 at 12:40 am
1. Micheal Flatley (Lord of the Dance) and
2. Vagina Cookies!!!
YEAH
January 12th, 2008 at 2:36 am
ray ray is punker than everything.even park city.bisque.
January 12th, 2008 at 9:46 am
don’t dis vagina cookies.
they are totally punk.
January 12th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Ballet
January 12th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
my last name is tanner too! being a tanner is punker than anthony bourdain.
January 12th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
i hope anthony bourdain finds this the next time he googles his name.
January 12th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
I would do him if he were vegetarian. He really is a POS, though…
list:
my cat Brina
Lifetime Television
petting rabbits
January 12th, 2008 at 10:56 pm
holy crap. what i freakin red neck prick.
well fear not folks he’ll be dead with colon cancer in about 3 years anyways
January 13th, 2008 at 1:58 am
Wow Bourdain, you are SO COOL. No one would think of eating something gross just to get a reaction. What are you, twelve?
My very incomplete list:
Glamour Shots
those window decals of Calvin peeing on something
people who use the word “mundane” to describe other people
my elderly Dutch neighbors
two different kinds of plaid
tractor pulls
lavender toilet seat covers
Janette Oke
Spencer’s gifts
guys named Keith
framed cross-stitch that says “God is Greater Than Any Problem I Have”
vanilla scented hand sanitizer
Branson, Missouri
“Afternoon Delight”
Whitman’s Samplers
Reader’s Digest (Large Print)
Huey Lewis and the News, 38 Special, and Whitesnake playing at the Merrillville Star Plaza at the same time
And me, for thinking Rachael Ray isn’t so bad, just an easy target
January 13th, 2008 at 2:12 am
Bruce Jenner.
Gene Shalit.
Slacks.
January 13th, 2008 at 8:45 am
Give him some credit for at least trying to be punk? I think he’s a poser, maybe more so than most people are. And I have little interest in his cooking. But Kitchen Confidential and some episodes of No have some documentary value. No Reservations documented some cooking techniques I hadn’t heard about, like the Bushmen making omelettes on hot rocks. And I think there is something to be said in favor of someone who has overcome Western dietary prejudices and doesn’t stay at home in the West, thinking that what those other people eat is icky. Of course it would be better yet if he were vegan, but that isn’t going to happen. So I kind of like him. But probably not in person.
January 13th, 2008 at 11:34 am
This haiku, culled from previous comments:
air ukelele
my elderly Dutch neighbors
urkle from that show
Also, raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, and Julie Andrews as Victor/Victoria.
January 13th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
thank you, catotemcoati. bourdain subscribes to food ideologies that are incompatable, nay loathesome, to most vegan folks…and he is certainly an incendiary bastard in his manner of writing. but does no one sense a hint of irony in his blasting of vegetarians? he has written elsewhere that his true bone to pick is with those who will only eat inside of their own comfort zones (and doesn’t that sentiment sound somewhat familiar for any of us who have tried to show the wonders of vegan cuisine to narrow-minded, vanilla carnivores?). he travels the world and learns about food traditions in non-western cultures, and shares those experiences via his writing and tv show. i’d deem that a more worthwhile project than sharing banal 30-minute meals and hawking dunkin’ donuts anyday.
of course he’s cheesy. celebrities are. i am a certified vegan bourdain fan.
January 13th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
Strawberry soft-serve ice cream with rainbow sprinkles.
January 13th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
Don’t hate the player, hate the game!
January 13th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
Clarissa Explains It All
My Little Ponies
Wine Coolers
German Disco
January 14th, 2008 at 3:25 am
Totally made me sad that you guys are hatin’. I love both of you equally. I hate it when you guys fight…we’re all food-lovin’ here, and bordain has done a lot to appreciate where his food comes from, which is the best you’re gonna see in a carnivore.
January 14th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
I am a chef and a vegan. I was raised in a family of meat lovers as many of us were. I became a vegan as an adult and after many years of training to be a chef and after many years cooking with the ingredients that Anthony mentioned. I have to agree with him that these ingredients do taste delicious. With that being said I must stress that flavor has nothing to do with my decision to become a vegan. Rather it was a very personal choice.
It is just very unfortunate that Anthony has chosen to make an ass out of himself… but I guess that you are what you eat.
January 14th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
fran drescher!
quiche!
liquid band-aid!
aretha franklin!
January 14th, 2008 at 11:54 pm
Anthony Bourdain is a chef above all else. yes he enjoys drugs with his meat and he’s even known to watch his dinner squirm before putting it in the fryer. however i have a theory as to why he acts the way he does. he, like most people, see “vegetarian” as a cursed word meaning rabbit food devoid of flavor or the subtle nuances of animal remains. in one episode of no reservations i once saw tony eat at a local vegetarian restaraunt in india(?). as he bit into his vegetables, he told the restaraunt owners who were joining him that this was the best veggie food he had ever eaten. he went on to explain to them how western vegetarian cuisine sucked. so you see he doesn’t hate vegetarians. he merely fears our way of life might someday destroy his culinary dreams and leave him with nothing but a bowl of steamed carrots.
January 15th, 2008 at 12:41 am
Can I add Bourdain apologists to my list of things punker than Bourdain?
January 15th, 2008 at 1:27 am
Eppy for the win!
January 18th, 2008 at 12:21 am
Hey, don’t be talking trash about my beloved Dungeons and Dragons. I can’t be the only vegan gamer in the world, can I?
(unless you are talking about the movie, in which case, flame on!)
January 18th, 2008 at 3:00 am
mandy moore
January 20th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
“I can’t be the only vegan gamer in the world, can I?”
You are not alone!
January 20th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Kenny G.
Ross Perot.
Balancing your checking account.
But Punky Brewster is punk.
January 20th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
-Exxon Mobil
-The Da Vinci Code
-Mary Janes for Babies
-Clitorectomy
-Leviticus
-Nancy Grace
-Vanilla Frosting Flavor Bonnie Belle Lip Gloss
-New Webster’s Dictionary
-Paying Parking Tickets
-Show Choirs
-The Pope’s Hat
-Dove Bars
-SARS
-Anita Hill
-Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade
January 20th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
the number 6
January 21st, 2008 at 1:57 am
LOL
the TANNERS!
you actually annoyed me until i got to the bottom
January 21st, 2008 at 9:30 am
Whoa! Tanners on both Alf AND Full House?! What’s up with that?!
January 23rd, 2008 at 2:49 pm
I can’t believe I’m this late- I’m usually the first person to arrive at any Anthony Bourdain hate party!
So, here’s my list of things punker than Bourdain, in no order:
The color pink
Frat Boys
The man Bourdain thinks he is
The singer Pink
Isaac Singer
Singer sewing machines
John Singer Sargent
Appletinis
January 23rd, 2008 at 6:27 pm
“Here is a man who sends his busboy to buy his drugs.”
Uh… I’m not sure if it gets any more punk than that.
January 24th, 2008 at 11:15 am
“Uh… I’m not sure if it gets any more punk than that.”
It does. Think a busboy who buys drugs for Anthony Bourdain.
January 24th, 2008 at 11:09 pm
I hate that guy. Here’s mine my list -
Michael Bolton
Air Quotes
Jennifer Love Hewet
Reality TV
wearing jeans with a matching jean jacket
Baby Gap
Precious Moments Figurines
Crochet toilet paper covers (especially the ones with a Barbie doll on top)
I could go on…
January 24th, 2008 at 11:29 pm
“wearing jeans with a matching jean jacket”
I believe that is known as the Jersey Tuxedo.
January 24th, 2008 at 11:47 pm
Puffy unicorn stickers
A giant Hershey Kiss pillow
Richard Simmons…sweating to the oldies…
January 25th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
lol. The Jersey Tuxedo. Too funny.
January 26th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
hush with your jersey hating.
and i love bourdain, but for christ’s sake, he went to vassar. he writes crime novels. he obviously spends 20 minutes putting gel in his hair every day. how can he possibly think he’s a badass? deep in his heart he has to know he’s nowhere near as punk as those giant lollipops little girls in pigtails twirl around.
January 27th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
Legally Blonde
American Idol
Leprechauns
January 31st, 2008 at 2:41 am
this list cheered me up.
You all forgot:
yeast infections
slap bracelets
braces as an adult
baby giraffes
February 1st, 2008 at 12:20 pm
My dads mustache: ((((((((((()))))))))))
(((((( ))))))
That’s all i got
February 4th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Funny how if you disagree with what this page has to say your posting gets deleted. Maybe you vegans would not be so testy if you ate a little meat. I believe that everyone has the right to choose how they want to live their lives. Shame on you for trying to make everyone into cardboard cut outs. Anthony is a great chef and tells it like it is. I am sorry that you do not appreciate what he stands for but their is no reason to be nasty and imature. Shame on you!
February 5th, 2008 at 12:44 am
I learned to drive in an 84 Chevy Celebrity. It had no cassett player so I made mix tapes and played them in a battery-operated transistor. Punk that.
February 8th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Yikes, some people can get pretty hostile over nothing. Kitchen Confidential is pretty punk, I gotta say, and even though I’m vegan I don’t feel the need to go on a crusade against one man and his tongue in cheek whining. I find him funny, but then I’m not so far up my ass that I require everyone around me to walk on eggshells. Or not eggshells. You know. He just plays to that.
As for the list, has anyone listed Tom Clancy yet? To that I’ll add a big glass of warm milk. I’m a little disappointed that someone beat me to it with Ross Perot.
February 9th, 2008 at 8:19 am
Am I the only one here who cried over knowing that those two most punk people ever, the little guys floating around and holding hands, are incarcerated in an aquarium?
February 9th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Dawn, no one deleted anything. I don’t really care if you disagree actually. “Your” right, “their” really is no reason to be nasty and immature, thanks for the reminder and for voicing it so articulately. Lucky Bourdain for having such well written fans.
February 9th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
I don’t have much opinion on Bourdain one way or the other, but in the interest of hating, and hating well:
Real Estate Seminars
American Eagle Outfitters
Spreadsheets
February 10th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
yachting
cotillions
February 12th, 2008 at 2:53 am
I’ve never heard of Anthony Bourdain actually… now i shall google him… and i watch the food network all the time… except for iron chef cause i thought there was a perfectly an innocent chocolate one had RABBIT BODIES! AND SOMEONE CHOPPED THEM UP AND THREW THEM IN A BLENDER! WITH CHOCOLATE! i changed the channel and then vomited appropriately… but i looove all your links and stuff… me and my friend trying to go vegan i sent her all of the recent ones she looooved them… ME TOO! ps i have all your cookbooks! keep up the incredible work!
February 12th, 2008 at 3:25 am
okay i imdb’d him and right below the i hate veg*n’s quote is “I don’t like to see animals in pain. That was very uncomfortable to me. I don’t like factory farming. I’m not an advocate for the meat industry.” So he doesn’t seem to be all bad… my opinion is neutral but here is my list anyways…
Things more badass then AB
1. miley cyrus (who’s daddy actually is but she’s just cute)
2. Limited Too
3. High School Musical 2
February 12th, 2008 at 3:46 am
new tats, Pitchfork, freshly shaved pubes, eyeliner, PBR, elaborate male facial hair, Opeth, etc.
February 12th, 2008 at 4:05 am
not including your blog URL in a post comment is pretty fucking punk as well. it’s fixed now.
February 14th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
http://www.powells.com/authors/bourdain.html
And: Happy St Valentine’s Day.
February 15th, 2008 at 1:30 am
I find Bourdain stupid, repulsive and infuriating. Check out what he said in this interview:
“Bad-boy chef and globe-trotting gourmet Anthony Bourdain gets frank about rude vegans, Rachael Ray and why restaurants are America’s last meritocracy.”
“You’ve never had much love for vegans, and that doesn’t seem to be something you’ve revised your opinion on.
Never. They’re rude! People’s choice to become vegan, from people I’ve spoken to, seems motivated by fear. Like, “it’s possibly toxic, or ungroovy, or poisonous, or loaded with chemicals or some kind of harmful things that’ll make me less healthy.” I certainly don’t see that as a good reason to do anything, certainly not a good reason to be rude to your host.
How can you travel? Before you’ve even left home, you’ve already decided, “I reject most of the world’s bounty and the expression of their hopes and dreams and culture.” Some nice, possibly impoverished Vietnamese rice farmer is nice enough to offer you the one chicken he can kill a month, or a week, and you say, “Sorry, I can’t”? It just seems antihuman. It’s antisocial.
And for anyone who says that everyone should eat like that — it completely ignores the fact that, well, we can’t afford to. We’ve got hungry people in this world. Go stay with the Bushmen for a week. Ninety-eight percent of their diet is meat. [Chuckles darkly.] That would be a funny reality show.
But what about vegans who follow that diet because they’re concerned about environmental destruction or feeding the world’s people more efficiently?
Hmm. That’s an unthinkable scenario. Like, what, that the planet will survive longer if there are more vegans?
Well, it would be better for the planet, but I think the idea is also that the human race would survive longer.
What’s so great about that? I’m a radical environmentalist; I think the sooner we asphyxiate in our own filth, the better. The world will do better without us. Maybe some fuzzy animals will go with us, but there’ll be plenty of other animals, and they’ll be back. The world will do better without us, when the blight of humanity is removed. That would be my academic argument to that.
You’re pretty tough on obese people, too, though.
I just don’t see [obesity] as a lifestyle decision. If you need a support system, if you’re blocking egress from a burning building or taking up half my seat on a plane, that is not a lifestyle choice. That is a menace to society.
What’s sad is that so few obese people are even getting big on good food. They’re chawing themselves listlessly to death on crap. I don’t think people should be encouraged to look like Kate Moss; I think that’s unreasonable. I think the normal human body should be glorified. By the same token, if you need a stick to wash yourself, you’re not healthy.
You’ve spoken out against the recent bans on foie gras, but you’re also opposed to animal cruelty in general. Would you support banning other practices that are regarded as cruel, like those practiced by the industrial poultry industry?
No. It would be nice to think that people know the difference between a crap chicken and a good chicken. If you can afford a good-quality free-range chicken, it’s nice that you have options. A lot of people in the world can’t afford that.
I like the idea that we could live in an agrarian wonderland, where there are heritage animals wandering freely and making delicious farm-fresh eggs, but that ain’t gonna happen; there are too many hungry people in the world.
I love Whole Foods talking about lobster and clam cruelty, when people are being fucked to death, kidnapped, starved, bombed. [The grocery chain recently stopped selling some live shellfish on the grounds that the practice is inhumane.] There is so much cruelty to humans — so much cruelty to animals — in this world. And people are worried about a fucking mollusk. Unbelievable.
Are you just as skeptical about organic products, or the movement to eat locally grown food?
No, I think that’s good. I admire people who want to cook only regional; any time you focus on quality, I think that’s good.
Just don’t pretend that we can all do that, or that it’s not going to be expensive. To eat like our peasant ancestors, the simple things that they took for granted — only the rich will be able to afford those things.”
http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2006/06/26/bourdain_QA/
His reasoning is so flawed.
February 23rd, 2008 at 11:30 pm
Wow. This blog entry and the corresponding comments really made my night. I just spent the last five minutes shaking with silent laughter to the point of having tears rolling down my face. Thanks, Isa and everyone else. I really hate Anthony Bourdain.
February 24th, 2008 at 10:50 am
Okay, I have a few things that are significantly punker than Anthony Bourdain.
1.) Club Libby Lu
2.) Disney Princess fruit snacks
3.) Acrylic toenails
4.) Cell phone antenna charms
5.) A Richard Simmons inspirational sobfest
March 10th, 2008 at 7:19 pm
Way punker than Anthony Bourdain:
Liturgical dancers at my Catholic high school
Knowing Rainbow Brite’s real name (Wisp)
The Bedazzler
The Flo-be haircut
Spray-on hair from that other infomercial
Gold Bond Medicated Powder
My Grampa’s padded booster seat for the toilet
March 16th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
Bourdain is absolutely correct. this blog is a perfect example of why meat-eaters hate vegans and vegetarians, alike. you guys are pitiful and half of you responders don’t even know who the f*7$ he is… idiots