The rolls in all their glory

Egg rolls not spring rolls. The big fat kind with the crispy doughy wrapper, the kind that you walk down the street eating. For some reason walking down the street eating a spring roll just wouldn’t work, they’re just too dainty.

The only problem? They’re egg rolls. Thus all of the premade wrappers have egg in them. Unlike eggcreams which only threaten you with raw eggs and salmonella, egg rolls mean business and don’t ever come egg free. But what does this have to do with Joaquin Phoenix? Well, I’m sure you know that he’s vegan and I’m sure that makes you write his name on your looseleaf in glitterpen surrounded by a heart. His wardrobe for Walk The Line was pleather, right down to the boots. And in his new movie, Two Lovers, he needed to be walking down the street in Coney Island eating an egg roll. I just happened to have the awesome luck of being in the right family and the right borough. My cousin, a set designer for the movie, called and asked if I could make life like vegan egg rolls for Joaquin. Of course I said, “No problem!”, or more, like “Hell, yes!” and “Swooooooon.”

But I didn’t know how difficult it would be.

Getting the dough just right was the biggest challenge. It needed to be have those signature air bubbles, not the flaky smoothness of a spring roll, so premade wrappers were out of the question. (Well, actually, I tried and it didn’t work.) This necessitated that I make the dough from scratch.

My first try was just a recipe I found on the internet, sans the huevos. That resulted in big brown air bubbles that just didn’t look right. My next try was messing with the texture. I thought that rice flour might give it a grittiness and cornstarch would add a uniform crispiness. I added a tiny bit of oil to compensate for the fat an egg would provide. Finally, I added a little baking powder in hopes that it would make the smaller air bubbles I was looking for. And it worked! Only a little too well. My egg roll looked like it had small pox.

Ultimately I decreased the baking powder and was blessed with little bundles of perfect Chinese take out egg rolls. Getting the heat right proved to be a pain in the butt, as did rolling out each paper thin wrapper individually. I had to fry each separately because I don’t have a deep fryer and it was the only way it would really work. Because of all this, and because deep frying makes your apartment smell so terrible, I’m not even going to share the recipe. It took me 3 hours after experimenting with the dough to make the two dozen that the props department requested. Unless it’s for Joaquin Phoenix, it really just isn’t worth it.

Upon delivering, I didn’t even get to meet him. He was right there, 15 feet in front of me, but he was filming a scene. I left a Veganomicon for him with a terrible inscription (”Dear Joaquin, Yay veganism!” if you must know). But I was happy to be a small part of it and I hope to be able to do more work for them, even if it does make my kitchen smell like a morgue for 2 days.

That’s him to in the dark tan hoodie jacket. He’s filming something, not buying drugs. I think.

The forums are back! I don’t know that things will ever be the same again. This time apart has had an effect on all of us and we may be strangers to each other now, but goddam it we can try.

A cthulu looking V-con Seitan Picatta from Asstrogirl on flickR

Fittingly, publishing cookbooks is a lot like cooking for a crowd. You do all that work, marvel at the finished dishes, and wait with bated breath for guests to arrive. You have a sense of accomplishment having completed the dinner but really you can’t fully exhale until everyone has taken their first bite, and good or bad at least you know what’s up.

So basically I am here in front of my computer way more often than I should be, watching everyone take their first bite. My favorite part is the photographs. On blogs and on flickR, it’s such a rush to see the dishes come alive in the kitchens of our readers. Sometimes, despite my gothic instincts, I am compelled to clap when something comes out right. Of course I cringe when it doesn’t and sigh when I thought it wouldn’t and then it ultimately does.

Today we got our first feedback from the mainstream press- a Publishers Weekly starred review. For cookbook authors that’s like being in Junior High and the guy that you’re in love with (the one with the tail and the cool Reeboks) nods your way in the hallway.

From Publishers Weekly:

“While most vegan cookbooks are anemic, underfed volumes—some no-brainer pasta recipes, a few things to do with tofu, maybe some oddball desserts—this slam-bang effort from vegan chefs Moskowitz and Romero (Vegan with a Vengeance) is thorough and robust, making admirable use of every fruit and vegetable under the sun, without once asking readers to make do with fake meat products and egg replacements. Instead, the eccentric authors offer dozens of novel, delicious ways to get excited about eating meat-, dairy- and egg-free. Take Southwestern Corn Pudding, a winning casserole rich with coconut milk and an unexpected dash of maple syrup—a likely MVP at your next Thanksgiving (whether it’s centered around turkey or tofu). Almost as addictive are Rustic White Beans and Mushrooms, which get their bite from fresh herbs, and Lentils and Rice with Caramelized Onions and Spiced Pita Crisps, a transcendent Middle Eastern comfort food. Vegan breakfasts get overdue attention: sitting in front of a hot stack of velvety Blueberry Corn Pancakes and hearty Blue Flannel Hash, who’s going to miss the bacon? Best of all is the wide selection of terrific desserts: everything from Chewy Oatmeal Raisin Cookies to decadent Caramel-Apple-Spice Cupcakes boldy fill the space where most eggless, milkless and butterless cookbooks fear to tread.”

Zomigod.

Brunch still piping hot 

Did you know that VwaV started off as a brunch book? The original book proposal was a pitch for “The Crack Of Noon: A Vegan Brunch Book.” Know why? Because I love brunch! Food just doesn’t taste as good any other day of week or time of day than the weekend at around 1 pm. Anyway, my publishers wanted an all-purpose cookbook instead and I’m happy it went the way it did, but I may revisit the brunch idea someday.

When I was a teenager I had this awful habit of making everything taste the same. Like, all the spices that went in the scrambled tofu would go into the home fries. Then I realized that the key to happiness was: if you put the fennel in this, leave it out of that. And also - not everything needs cumin! I needed to graffiti my kitchen cupboards with that one.

This morning I didn’t want the same old scrambled tofu, so I made biscuits with white bean gravy, tempeh and sweet potato hash and garlicky kale. The gravy was flavored with sage and thyme, the hash was spiked with fennel seeds and a little soy sauce and the kale was super simple and super garlicky. The biscuits were biscuit flavored. And now I’m laying in bed totally full, the heat finally came on and the kitties are snuggling with each other. I’m living the American dream.

VwaV Pumppkin Waffles healthified with whole wheat pastry flour and flax seeds 

I remember the first time someone told me they made their own waffles. I was shocked. I was dismissive. I remember asking, “But are they good?” I just couldn’t believe that something requiring such complicated machinery was within my reach. And once I tried it myself I was addicted.

I am at war with my current waffle iron. It has a gajillion settings and, if I were to still think in waitress terms, it cost a crappy night’s tips. A few years ago I found a whole slew of ‘fflirons (now there’s a portmanteau that won’t catch on) on sale for 7 bucks. I bought 4 of them. In my defense, I was doing a vegan brunch cafe at the time so they were needed. It ended up being perfect iron - the timer went off when it was supposed to, each session produced a fluffy yet crispy uniformly cooked gem and it was so easy to clean. Long, boring story short (but hopefully still boring), my friend Michael was staying with me and knocked them from their precarious perch on top of my fridge and broke every one. Thanks, Michael, that is how you will be remembered. And I don’t know why I thought I was moving up in the world with the new one, but you don’t know what you got till it’s gone. I haven’t been able to find those perfect cheapo ones at any price.

But honestly, the point of this post wasn’t to sulk over my losses, but to remind everyone how well waffles freeze. This morning I placed a whole baggie in the freezer and now I’ll have brunch at my fingertips for a few weeks. Obviously these Belgian sized waffles won’t fit in the toaster, but that is easily solved by cutting them into triangles. And then, according to 80s commercials, when they pop out of the toaster, if someone tries to grab it before you can, you get to curb stomp them.

You know how with sex there’s a couple of things that you simply won’t do? That’s how I am with cooking, although sometimes my “rules” feel like they have a lot more to do with ethical objections than personal preference. I’m not talking about vegan ethical objections, which are obvious, I’m talking about culinary ones. I’m talking about including Gimme Lean Sausage or Tofutti Sour Supreme as part of a recipe. And I am conscious of being just a little ridiculous in calling it ethical but that’s just how it feels.

My main problem with that kind of cooking, is that it stops being “cuisine.” It starts being 30 minute meals or semi-homemade cooking. And that is fine for a weeknight in front of the TV or just to get something on the table, but it doesn’t foster respect for vegan cuisine. And there is a difference between cuisine and food; cuisine is a style of cooking and food is stuff we eat. I don’t want vegan cuisine to be thought of as fake, or as that stuff that comes from the freezer section next to the frozen hamburgers or the weird dairy case. (Every supermarket has that weird dairy case filled with stunt meats and casein cheese, right?) I want vegan cuisine to be a real force, a real style - a contender.

When it comes to vegan cream sauces my “won’t” list expands. I won’t use soymilk, because it tastes like soymilk, not cream. I won’t use coconut milk in something savory unless I want it to be a bit sweet. I won’t use nooch for everything. I won’t use Tofutti brand anything because that is just plain cheating. So, my options are limited. But I am trying to broaden them.

The thing I will use is nuts; cashews, pine nuts, almonds, sometimes walnuts. But I still try to be careful, because even though vegans know not to exactly expect cream when they hear the word cream, omnivores don’t. And I really, for the most part, try to make my recipes omnivore-friendly. This usually means not using the word cream at all, unless it’s a dessert thing where I completely cheat and use Earth Balance, but that’s another story.

So when I set out to make Tofu Paprikas in honor of my friend Jason Das’ Hungarian heritage, I was a little nervous. Paprikas is nothing if not creamy, and god am I sick of everything tasting like nutritional yeast. I knew that I was going to have to work with the dreaded tofu cream sauce.

Silken tofu is great for texture but the taste has ruined many an otherwise scrumptious sauce for me. Some people describe the taste as bean-y, but it just translates as bitter for me. At some point in working on Veganomicon I stumbled on a possible solution that I used in a couple of dips and sauces; Horseradish Dill Sourcream, Cilantro Cream and Creamy Kalamata Spread. If you look at the titles of those recipes I bet you can figure out what the trick it. I suppose it isn’t such a trick at all, it’s simply overpowering the tofu with flavors that are strong enough to cover up the bitter taste, basically beating the tofu into submission.

Another thing I learned is to use the silken tofu that comes in a fresh package (like Nasoya) and not the vacuum packed kind (like Mori-Nu). It has a better taste and the beaniness isn’t as apparant. I also prefer the texture. As a bonus, it’s easier to find.

Finally, it needs a little heat and a little sweet. No heat and it tastes like blended tofu. Too much heat and it tastes like rubber. I found that sauteeing garlic in oil and adding it still hot to the sauce gave just enough warmth, with a little wiggle room for a gentle heat through at serving time. And since sweetness counteracts bitterness, just a touch of agave or maple syrup will do the trick. Although I didn’t actually end up using any in this recipe because the sweetness of the onions worked wonders.

From looking at a few Paprikas recipes, I deduced that the dish was really rich, calling for not just cream but sourcream as well. I decided to toast a few pine nuts to blend into the sauce, not only because I have 5 pounds of pine nuts in my freezer but I thought that would give the sauce some body and “depth of flavor.”

Justin and I ended up really enjoying this, maybe a little too much as there were no leftovers. I honestly meant to save some that I could give to Jason the next day. He lives only a few blocks away so I could even have walked it over. But I didn’t! I would consider it a cream sauce success, although I think there are a few more things I’d like to try before I declare it perfect. It’s definitely good enough to share, though!

I made this with frozen thawed tofu for a chewier texture, and I really wanna’ get to the recipe so let me just quickly tell you what I do for frozen tofu. Freeze overnight then thaw on the counter the next day. Don’t heat it up to thaw, just leave it out. It usually takes 10 hours to thaw. Once completely thawed, wrap it in a kitchen table towel and press it overnight in the fridge. That makes it really nice and chewy but without the freezer burn, discolorization or sponginess sometimes associated with frozen tofu.

Click below for the recipe. And damn you VeganMoFo, for making me write so much!

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For all of us who would rather raise our whisks and spatulas than write a novel, VeganMo(nth of)Fo(od)! For the month of November, we will write about food as much as we can. As if we weren’t doing that already. The rules are pretty loose, in fact, there are no rules. But we did come up with a bunch of ideas to inspire us on the PPK forums, and then yesterday they crashed. Fortunately, Katie wrote some out on her blog before black Thursday happened.

My first contribution is a Flickr group I set up so that all of our food porn, or whatever, can be in one place and we can add it to our RSS feeds if we so desire. So go join that.

Here is a partial list of participants, if you don’t see yourself here, let me know and I will add you.

A Stranger In The Alps

B36 Kitchen

Get Sconed

Lentil Penguins

Yellow Rose Recipes

Don’t Eat Off The Sidewalk

Bottle And Ball

Pickled Treats Last Longer

While You Were In Kenya

It Was A Dark And Stormy Night

Have Cake, Will Travel

Just The Food

Seitan Said Dance

Strawberry Rock

Food Snobbery Is My Hobbery

One Chubby Vegan

But Did They Eat It?

Vegan Chicks Rock

Vegan Kid

Vegan Pit Bull

VegMoFo Meta-Writing

Rites Of Passage

Punctuated Equilibrium

The Village Vegan

Rocket Ship Go!

Julie’s Kind Kitchen

Baby In Broad

Vegan HodgePodge

Vegan Guinea Pig

Defashionista

The Vegan Librarian

Where’s The Revolution

Fairly Odd Tofu Mom

Utopian Kitchen

Kittee: Cake Maker To The Stars

Pie Pet Blog

Vegan Road Trip

Sugar Skull

Clever Nettle Kitchenette

No Whey Jose

The Kitchen Debate

Plants Plants Revolution

Hope Sinks

Another Vegan Blog

Parsnip Parsimony

Veganista

Apples And Twigs

Veg Bitch

Wandering Contessa

Super Carrot

What The Hell Does A Pink Haired Girl Eat?

Fueled By Popcorn

The Hook and I

Veg - AM

Your Vegan Mom

Here’s What You’re Missing

VegChic

Bigmouth Strikes Again

Vegan Man

Eating Well & Eating Well

The Place I Like Best In This World Is The kitchen

VeggieSue’s Veggie Adventures

Walking The Vegan Line

So What Do Vegetarians Eat Anyway?

Waiting For The Bus

Vegan*asm

Vegan Pr0n

Kimbelina

Unhealthy Vegan

Vegan Hodgepodge

Vegan Vanguard: Charging Ahead Of The Mainstream

Hugger Food

Siri’s Corner

cheezyvegan

Parsnip Parsimony

One Frugal Foodie

Maybe Pigs Can Fly

Vegan Bean

Vegan Dad

It’s Easy Being Vegan

Hippie Girl 

Happy writing! Or, if you prefer, miserable writing! Just so long as you’re writing.

Edited to add: I’m getting a lot of email asking if you can join if you’re not vegan/joining late/not usually writing about food. The answer is yes! If you’re writing about vegan food or taking photos of vegan food or whatever you are doing, you can join. Especially the people who aren’t vegan but intend to try it out this month. Sorry if I’m not answering all the email personally, I’m trying but it’s just too much!

The PPK forums that is. Tech support say it will be 24 to 48 hours until the boards are back up. I’m going to look at it like a vacation, and when they come back I’ll be all fresh and ready to ban everyone.