Bikram Baking: Ginger Chocolate Chunk Scones
When I have my period (I know, first the mouse droppings, now the period, can I be any more unappetizing? Unless that’s your thing…) I crave 3 things; ginger, chocolate, punching people.
Unfortunately, I can’t punch people. I don’t even really want to because I generally dislike physical contact. But I can take my aggressions out in the form of baking. Even if it is 98 degrees out and I have no air conditioning. I just think of it as similar to Bikram Yoga.
“Bikram Yoga, also known as Hot Yoga is ideally practiced in a room heated to 105?F (40.5?C) with a humidity of 50%.”
All of your tensions just kind of rise to the surface and you take it out on your product, in this case Ginger Chocolate Scones, ultimately resulting in a calm state of bliss. Scones are a perfect subject for Bikram Baking, because they are pretty forgiving and may take even better to impatience, frustration and lack of precision.
Preheat your oven, not to 350F, 350F is for weaklings. No. To 400F. You can take it.
Violently throw all of the your dry ingredients into a mixing bowl, fork a bunch of mise en place because the ingredients are so few anyway. Forget an actual sifter, just swish it all around with a fork, making nail-on-chalkboard noises as you scrape against the bowl. All the while make sure you are focusing on everyone that’s ever wronged you. Your racist 8th grade dance teacher? Fuck. Her. Screeeeeech. Your FedEx guy that refuses to ring your bell? Hope your polyester uniform is comfortable in this heat, sucker. Scraaaaatch. Dick Cheney? Well, let’s save that one for when we’re making pandowdy.
Now take that chocolate bar and just smash it with your knife. Remember that guy who said that vegans produce more methane than cows do? Your chocolate chunks should be just about the right size now.
By now some tensions have been resolved and the oven is preheated. You want out. But you know that just a few moments more and nirvana or some facsimile will be achieved. Add your wet ingredients, but eyeball those bastards because you can’t quite be trusted with glass at this point. Mix it up quickly. But channel all that impatience because you don’t want to over-mix. Is almost everything just moistened? Are there dustings of flour still left on the surface? Well, good.
Now breathe. Get it together. Gently fold in the chocolate chunks. Yes, it’s getting hot in here, but you’re not in a cramped city kitchen anymore, you’re in the Bahamas. Long before Colombus came and forked everything up.
Your baking sheet. Pristine and glistening like a sea, with a few nicks and the rough spots of history. Lightly grease it.
You have your wits about you now enough to grab a 1/4 measuring cup or perhaps an ice cream scoop. Of the earth but not attached to it. Grease that, too. Now scoop up that dough, however it falls, nice big sloppy scoops, and drop them out on your sheet, close together is fine, they will fit for it is their destiny.
Right then. Still a little anger left in you. Let it manifest itself as hope. Grab pinches of pebbly turbinado sugar and fling them onto your scones like so much fairy dust.
Now get those the oven for 15 minutes and find a room with air conditioning and wait. What are you crazy? Oh, and get someone else to clean up the mess you made.
Ginger Chocolate Chunk Scones Pile Up
Ingredients:
3 cups flour
2 tablespoons baking powder
1 1/2 tablespoons ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
pinch allspice
1/2 cup turbinado sugar, plus extra for sprinkling
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1 1/4 cups non-dairy milk
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
About 5 ounces chocolate
July 16th, 2007 at 2:13 pm
Holy jumpin’! I can’t wait to try these babies out Saturday morning!
July 16th, 2007 at 5:09 pm
I love the idea of Bikram Baking Isa! You better hurry and get a trade mark on the name.
July 16th, 2007 at 9:09 pm
This post made me happy.
July 16th, 2007 at 10:02 pm
only 15 minutes, for reals? must check cupboard for ginger.
July 16th, 2007 at 10:33 pm
They will be yummy even without ginger, I promise! It’s really just the VwaV scone recipe modified a bit. What I REALLY wanted was some crystalized ginger, but beggers can’t be choosers.
July 17th, 2007 at 9:14 am
how much crystallized ginger would you have used?
July 17th, 2007 at 11:43 am
Oh, I dunno, 1/4 cup?
July 17th, 2007 at 10:41 pm
Now they can all kiss Midol goodbye.
July 18th, 2007 at 11:13 am
o..m..g.. I was in exactly the same mood when I read this. I added a handful of chopped crystalized ginger to mine and used half a bag of tropical source chips instead of a bar. I brought them into work this morning and they were gone in just a few minutes.
These are heavenly.
July 18th, 2007 at 10:54 pm
Isa, I love the way you write a recipe.
The scones look great too.
July 20th, 2007 at 2:22 pm
Ginger and Chocolate? Easily my favorite flavor combination. If this post/recipe doesn’t get me to fiiiiinally make some scones (another love of mine), nothin will.
July 20th, 2007 at 11:05 pm
You make these sound so forking sexy, Isa! And I don’t even love ginger that much. I do, however, relish the thought of attacking a block of chocolate with a huge knife.
July 24th, 2007 at 11:04 pm
sounds great!
July 27th, 2007 at 12:20 am
These sound absolutely delicious. And I have some crystalized ginger in the freezer I’ve been waiting to use forever
I love the way you wrote this with such attitude.
July 27th, 2007 at 9:55 pm
I really want to turn off the air conditionning now !
I’d buy a whole cookbook written by you for SPMing Vegans…
or how about Bikram Menopausal Vegan Vengeance Baking ?
July 28th, 2007 at 5:06 pm
Dammit. I don’t have enough soymilk in!
August 2nd, 2007 at 11:22 pm
I made these the other day, and they’re very good. That said, I have a little quibble with your use of the word “non-dairy.” My understanding is that this word simply means “not dairy-based” whereas “dairy-free” means what it ought to. So soy cheese containing casein would be “non-dairy” but not “dairy-free.” Of course, I haven’t actually found any non-dairy milks that aren’t also dairy-free (though Trader Joe’s used to sell a strawberry soymilk that was colored with carmine), but I’d be much happier if I never saw the word “non-dairy” again.
August 11th, 2007 at 11:58 am
“Non-dairy” milk that is also “dairy-free”–rice milk?
Also, I substituted orange extract for the vanilla and put in a little cayenne pepper for kick!
August 17th, 2007 at 3:56 pm
haha
if only all recipes were like that
I’m totally going to try this!
August 18th, 2007 at 6:07 pm
Yum! I made these this morning when I was feeling grouchy because I am visiting my parents and my mom woke me up at 9am (it is Saturday!) to make breakfast. I don’t have a copy of VwaV here so I was at a loss of what to make, then looked through the recipes saved in my RSS feeds and found these! Delicious!
August 21st, 2007 at 9:24 pm
That is likely the coolest recipe I have ever read. I don’t mean the contents, delightful though they are. I mean the comments along the way.
And saving Cheney for a separate baking hatefest’s a good idea. Might want to make a double batch.
August 25th, 2007 at 5:04 pm
I made these and took them to my family for the mandatory Sunday dinner last week. My switch from vegitarian to vegan has been a huge pain in the ass for them. However, these amazing scones just might have won them over seeing that they were devoured within minutes. I love it! I’m keeping the oven on. I’ve got buisness to do!
August 29th, 2007 at 6:30 pm
[…] made some delicious scones. She directed me to the recipe - which happens to be on a blog called Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World - and I ended up making the Ginger Chocolate Chunk scones last night. I made myself a cup of tea […]
August 30th, 2007 at 11:01 pm
i made these yesterday, substituted 1/3 of the flour with soy flour. very good!
September 22nd, 2007 at 4:35 am
It’s probably too late for you to still be checking these comments, but I wanted to let you know I REALLY love these scones. I made a 1/6th batch and got two perfect scones and was super impressed with the texture. I’ve made these three times now and know I will make them many times in the future. They’re so good my not-even-vegetarian husband picked them over cupcakes as a dessert choice!
October 28th, 2009 at 6:11 pm
[…] conviction, that there is no food in the world that can’t be improved with a little pumpkin. Ginger Chocolate Chunk Scones. Scrambled Tofu. One of those “basics” that I’ve never had the resources to try. […]