There’s something to be said for living in the suburbs. And that something is that you’ve got great supermarkets.

I love a relaxing stroll down the clean, spacious aisles and shiny shopping carts that don’t have wheels that take any excuse to squeak and lock up on you. I love the light music gently being pumped into the air like a morphine IV. People that say “excuse me” and “can I just get passed you?” and “I just need to to grab that”. I don’t have any of that in my neighborhood supermarkets. I have cilantro that’s been stepped on and the cloying stench of dried, smoked cod. Who is eating all that dried, smoked, cod? Isn’t that what the Dutch settlers ate by virtue of there was absolutely nothing else and they didn’t feel like chewing off their own limbs? But more importantly they don’t have the kosher aisle.

So I went to Sheepshead Bay this weekend for an engagement with Super Shop and Stop. Of course it isn’t the suburbs, not quite, but it did make me feel like a soccer mom (albeit, an Eastern European one). If you can make it there someday you have got to get a load of their kosher aisle, it’s like the wailing wall of kosher aisles. I didn’t get a picture of the actual holy land but here were a few of my purchases:

Clockwise from top: Adult fruit slices, baby fruit slices, chocolate lentils (like M&Ms sort of ), chocolate chips (although it says REAL in bold lettering the first ingredient is sugar)

These are just some of the products I picked up for cupcake decorating purposes. I also came into some Red Wine noodles, kasha knishes and other various sundries. I found some kosher gelatin but I am pretty certain that they use fish something of other rather than cow parts to make it kosher , so, it’s not a complete heaven but it’s at least got to be the welcome mat of heaven.

Are animals in a cast the cutest thing ever? My watering eyes tell me yes.

Because all I'll be doing for the next 2 months is talking about cupcakes. Maybe, just maybe if you are lucky I will tell how cute my cat is or how much I resent my mother but don't count on it.

Green Tea Cupcakes and Mexican Hot Chocolate Cupcakes, respectively

Unless you happen to be Ron Darling's mother, yesterday's Trivia with a Vengeance stanked. But make up for it now! Tonight's category is Philosophy and Food!

EDIT: Ok that quiz was bullshiitake! Who set it up! There was NO philosophy! It was all about beer!

You know you want it.

VwaV is number 33 on Amazon's best selling cookbooks! Just one behind The Joy Of Cooking.

PS It's really rude to say fork you to other people. If I ever met those people I would never say anything like that to them. In fact, I would probably be happy to meet them. I actually like Mark Bittman's book. I don't know what came over me. I blame shoddy parenting and lack of boundaries. I also realize that some day VwaV will be number 80 million and that Barefoot Contessa and Mark Bittman will be snorting beluga caviar off of Anthony Bourdain's back while he eats from a trough of foie grois pate and Rachel Ray films the whole thing. Meanwhile I will be eating Top Ramen purchased with food stamps and living in a hovel in Sheepshead Bay. It may have even happened by the time you click on that link. That's fine. Just let me have my moment.

PPS Fork you too, Mario Batali a.k.a. ”Number 41″. You and your skorts.

It starts off boring and creepy. Towards the middle it gets more boring and creepy. A simple whole wheat cake with a dusting of carob powder. Nothing to be alarmed about. Maybe if David Lynch made a vegan cooking show it would be similar to this. Things pick up a bit a little more than halfway through the clip. The setting changes. Gone is the welcoming kitchen table. Instead Fillipe is in a dark forboding hallway, his glasses who knows where. Fillipe is asked why he bakes vegan. His reason will change your life forever. (Hint: Satan)

Warning: If you watch more than once you begin to think he makes a persuasive argument. My personal assistant and transcriber Eppy can attest to that.

Cameraman: Why don't you make your food vegan? Why don't you just get the ingredients–the regular ingredients–and make your food the normal way? Why vegan?
 
Fillipe: That's a very good question, but it is also a very simple question.

Fillipe: You know we are called and to do everything for the glory of God. And we are living in the last days. And Satan is going to try to make an assault upon our mind. And the battle is our mind. And if we do not eat healthfully and keep our body fit. Our mind will be weak. Our mind will not be able to make rational and correct decisions. And that is one of the major reasons why I eat only vegan. Because it, I have seen that if I have eaten other things that have been contaminated–such as dairy and milk and eggs and meat, you know, meat products–all that does is clogs up my system. I can not think properly. And I can not be able to communicate with my lord and savior. So it is very important that I eat nutritious food that is abundant in all the vitamins and minerals I need for my body,
 
Fillipe: And when I get this balance nutrition that is solely found only in fruits, grains, nuts, and vegetables. Then, my body will feel great–and I do feel great–and I do the rest of the eight laws of health, and my mind is clear and I am able to study the word of God and I am able to discern spiritual things, because spiritual things are spiritually discerned and only when your healthy are you able to discern spiritual things. Because your mind will not be dull. It will be clear and the Holy Spirit will be able to communicate to you. But if it is clouded, how can you communicate? That's why it is very important to keep your mind and body all surrendered to the Lord, so that he may be able to teach you and use you.

You've probably seen this a million times already. So sue me. But be warned, I am a whippersnapper in court.

Stabbing in the Head Knife Block as seen on BoingBoing.

Night 2 of the trivia contest. If you don't join in I will smudge the squigglies on your fauxstess cupcakes. Tonight's topic is Science & Technology. Guaranteed to heal your State of the Union hangover. Log in at 12:15.